Myspace? Puhleeze
by angel718
Summary: All the cool kids use facebook these days, didn't you know?
1. Never Been Kissed

Author's Note: Seeing as I am absolutely desperate for more Glee (also, Klaine), I decided the best way to cope was to write my own fic. This is my first foray into the land of Glee fanfiction, and I hope you'll let me know how I'm doing. Also, yeah. My addiction to facebook led to me jumping on the fb! fic bandwagon. Enjoy!

If I owned Glee, Klaine would have already happened. ;)

**Kurt Hummel **is now friends with **Blaine Anderson** and two others.

(**Blaine Anderson **and **Mercedes Jones **like this.)

**Wes Craven**: And to think you never would have experienced this amazingness if you weren't such an awful spy. :p

(**Blaine Anderson **and **David Hamilton **like this.)

**David Hamilton**: How are you doing, by the way?

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm okay. Thanks, David. And Blaine, too, of course.

**Blaine Anderson**: It's nothing. Remember, you have my number if you ever want to talk. :)

**Santana Lopez**: you spy for like an hour and come back with _three_ boyfriends? _Dayum_, I'm jealous.

(**Brittany S. Pierce **likes this.)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Can we share?

**Rachel Berry**: Kurt, I feel I must caution you, as charming as they may seem right now, make sure you're very careful. The last thing we need is another Vocal Adrenaline. YOU! Why have you befriended him?

**David Hamilton**: You're comparing us to them? I'm offended...Vocal Adrenaline are (is? are?) a bunch of soulless automatons.

(**Rachel Berry **and **11 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: See, Rachel? Calm the crazy. Blaine isn't Jesse.

**Kurt Hummel**: Also, Santana...go away.

**Blaine Anderson**: Who's Jesse?

**Kurt Hummel**: I'll text you.

**David Hamilton**: While you're at it, could you puhleeeeze make him stop listening to Teenage Dream? It's making Wes and I want to do unspeakably violent things. To him and/or Katy Perry.

(**Wes Craven **likes this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: Shut up and die, both of you.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this.)

* * *

**Wes Craven** is losing his mind. **Kurt Hummel**, help. Seriously, I cannot deal with any more Katy Perry.

**Wes Craven**: And it's even worse now that you're facebook friends!

**David Hamilton**: You don't understand, Kurt. This is an emergency. It's been playing. On a loop. For a week. TAKE US AWAY WITH YOU, PLEAAAAASEEE.

**Wes Craven**: Possibly longer than a week. We can't even tell. The days are starting to blend together in a terrifying mix of skintight jeans and "no regrets, just love."

**David Hamilton**: And yet we hear about every Kurt-related regret he's ever had...

**David Hamilton**: Allow me to quote: "Did you see his eyes? He has the most gorgeous eyes..." or, or, "Oh my God, I grabbed his hand. I actually _held _his _hand_!" or, oh my God, this one's my favorite: "Did you see him watching us sing? Was he looking at me? Do you think he noticed that I waasljzdx.m,.zklfds

**Blaine Anderson: **Kurt, I am so sorry. Please, please, please ignore everything these idiots are saying. :S

**Wes Craven**: In case you couldn't tell, Blaine totally just stole David's iPhone while he was in the midst of typing that comment. And I would finish what he was saying, except Blaine is currently hefting a rather heavy-looking physics text in my direction. And I want to live.

**Kurt Hummel: **Ignoring the rest of that**...**how is it my fault that your best friend has an obsessive love for Katy Perry?

**Mercedes Jones**: For the record, white boy's blushin' so hard his face is about to catch fire. I'm right next to him. Just so you all know.

**Kurt Hummel**: MERCEDES. I WILL CUT YOU.

**Mercedes Jones**: Betch, puhleeze.

(**Artie Abrams **likes this)

**Artie Abrams**: What what _what _are you doing? (1)

**Mercedes Jones**: I'll tell you what he's doing. Living in DENIAL.

**Kurt Hummel**: Ugh, screw you all. David, answer the question.

**David Hamilton: **Wow, pissy much?

**Kurt Hummel: **Daviiiiiiddd... :(((

**David Hamilton: **Ugh...damn. I can't resist the pouty face. It's because he actually doesn't. Obsessively love Katy Perry, I mean. It's just that one song.

**Wes Craven**: I wonder why? *innocent smile*

**Blaine Anderson**: David, I swear, if you answer that question...

**Wes Craven**: Perhaps because that's the song he was singing when he met our dear, beloved spy? (PS, Blaine, you can't kill either one of us because you didn't tell me _I _couldn't say it. HA. HAHA. HAHAHA.)

(**Tina Cohen-Chang **and **14 others **like this)

**Santana Lopez: **did you put your hands on him in his skintight jeans, Kurt? ;)

(**Wes Craven **and **David Hamilton **like this.)

**Wes Craven**: Oh, good God, we wish.

**David Hamilton**: Because then we wouldn't have to hear about _Kurt's _skintight jeans every. single. minute.

**Wes Craven**: OF EVERY DAY.

**Blaine Anderson**: God, I hate you two.

**Wes Craven**: WE LUBB YOU TOO, BLAINEYYY.

**Blaine Anderson**: One: Blainey? Never again. Two: Caps lock is not your friend.

Three, four, and five: My gaydar is very suspicious of you right now. Also, always.

**David Hamilton**: *with dignity* For your information, we are heteroflexible.

**Santana Lopez**: Wanky. ;)

**Kurt Hummel**: I feel that there is no way to respond to this.

* * *

(**Quinn Fabray, N. Puck, Finn Hudson **and **8 **othersare now friends with **Blaine Anderson **and **2 **others.)

**Kurt Hummel: **Why why _why _do you all feel the need to be complete creepers?

**Sam Evans**: I'm not creeping! I win! :D

**Blaine Anderson**: Truefax. *nods wisely* How are you doing, by the way?

**Sam Evans**: Pretty great, thanks. It's good to hear from you again, man. All of you, actually.

**David Hamilton**: Oh, hey, Sam, I keep meaning to mention...you. Are _so...blonde_.

**Wes Craven**: Yes. _Excessively _so, I would say.

(**Blaine Anderson** likes this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: OH MY GOD I KNEW IT!

**David Hamilton**: What brand of dye do you use, Sammy dear?

**Mike Chang**: What are they talking about...Sammy dear? ;)

**Sam Evans**: ...meh. Don't worry about it.

**Quinn Fabray**: *hugs Sam protectively*

**Puck**: where's the 'gag me' button?

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: Ughhhh.

**Blaine Anderson**: :( Courage. It's going to be okay.

**Mercedes Jones**: What's going to be okay? Kurt?

**Kurt Hummel**: Cedes, don't worry about it.

**Mercedes Jones**: Prep school? Info?

**Blaine Anderson**: I'm sorry, Mercedes. It's not really my place.

**Kurt Hummel**: Mercedes, please. I promise, it's nothing.

**Mercedes Jones**: Just...text if you need me, then.

* * *

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: I'll see you tomorrow, 12ish?

**Kurt Hummel**: Really?

**Blaine Anderson**: Of course. :)

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: Thank you.

**

* * *

Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Courage.

**

* * *

Sam Evans** thinks the glee guys did an awesome job today!

(**N. Puck **and **10 others **like this.)

**Mike Chang**: I felt so bad. But at least she's staying.

(**Finn Hudson, Artie Abrams**, and **9 others** like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: And you looked so cute, Kurt! (hearts)

(**Quinn Fabray, Brittany S. Pierce **and **3 others** like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Thank you, thank you. *bows*

Author's Note (again):

(1): Sassy Gay Friend, not me. Youtube it, it's beautiful.

If you guys like this, I'll do a chapter for each episode up to through the Christmas special, and then possibly venture into AU land for my own entertainment. Let me know!


	2. The Substitute

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for all the support I got on the first chapter of this! I was blown away by the amounts of alerts and favorites it received. Which is why this is already out, and it hasn't even been a week. That's how loved you guys make me feel. :) (hearts)

So this chapter was irritatingly hard to write at first (read: until I got to the Klaine-y bits)...but then I watched the episode on hulu while I was writing, and it got easier, so I hope it entertains you at least a little :). Also, I finally stopped lying to myself and categorized this as a Klaine fic. However, I promise that I'll include the other canon couples (even Finchel, while they last). Just wanted to throw it out there-as much as I love Klaine, I really did feel bad for Mercedes this episode. That's why there's so much focus on her...and I can throw in a little Mercedes/Anthony AU awesomeness if you want. Annnd finally, in case you didn't get the memo-I write fanon!Wes and David, because they're so much cooler than canon. I apologize for this long, and basically pointless author's note. :) Enjoy...The Substitute, facebook style!

**Mercedes Jones **is so excited to go bowling with **Kurt Hummel**! :D

**Mercedes Jones**: Or...not...

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm sorry, Cedes. :( I'll make it up to you, promise!

**Mercedes Jones**: You better, white boy. :S

**Kurt Hummel**: Friday still okay?

**Mercedes Jones**: Yeah.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this.)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **hopes that the glee club has taken what she said to heart, and is coming up with solo ideas for her.

**Santana Lopez**: Jesus, dwarf. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly want to punch you in the face any more, you find a way to make it happen.

**Quinn Fabray**: Harsh. But kind of true.

**Kurt Hummel**: Rest assured that this will be dealt with at the earliest possible opportunity.

(**Quinn Fabray **and **8 others** like this.)

* * *

**Tina Cohen-Chang** to **Kurt Hummel**: You are my new favorite person.

(**Mike Chang **and **9 others **like this.)

**Mike Chang**: At first I was offended. Except then I thought about it, and you're kind of right. THANK YOU.

**Puck**: Fer real, man. I was about to push Berry down the stairs and make it look like an accident, not gunna lie.

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: You're welcome. Holly Holliday is a goddess. I'm just glad she showed up when she did.

(**Holly Holliday** likes this.)

* * *

**Brittany S. Pierce** sees you drivin' round town with the girl I love...

(**Artie Abrams **and **9 others **like this.)

**Artie Abrams**: ...and I'm like, "forgetchu!"

**Quinn Fabray**: Babygirl, you finally learned how to do status updates? I'm so proud of you!

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Artie did it for meee. :)

**Artie Abrams**: True dat. :D

**N. Puck**: That was hella fun, dude.

**(Finn Hudson **and **9 others **like this.)

**Holly Holliday**: I'm glad you had fun! More to come. :)

(**N. Puck **and **9 others **like this.)

**Rachel Berry** is very disappointed in the glee club's COMPLETE LACK OF DEDICATION**.**

**N. Puck**: ...no one likes this status Berry.

**Kurt Hummel**: Um, mayyybe because it's nonsense?

(**N. Puck **likes this.)

**Finn Hudson**: Rach, everything's fine. We're gonna be totally awesome for sectionals.

(**Kurt Hummel **and **9 others **like this.)

**Rachel Berry**: Hmph.

* * *

**Mercedes Jones** to **Kurt Hummel**: Really? _Again_?

**Kurt Hummel **to **Mercedes Jones**: I am so sorry. I promise promise _promise _I'll make it up to you.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: "Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses..."

**Blaine Anderson**: "Be my lover, and I'll cover youuuu!"

**(Santana Lopez **and **25 others **like this.)

**Wes Craven**: Don't get your hopes up, everyone. As adorably couple-y as this may appear, I have it on very good authority that nothing actually happened. :(((

**David Hamilton**: In other words, the continued longing sighs and LOOPED KATY PERRY MUSIC.

**Wes Craven**: Also, because Blaine alsdinm,zcael

**Wes Craven**: WHY ARE YOU NEVER THIS VIOLENT WITH DAVID?

**Blaine Anderson**: Because David, while still obnoxious, is less so than you. *charming smile*

**David Hamilton**: He's afraid you'll give away all his secrets.

**David Hamilton**: OW. Kurt, make him stop hurting us. :(

**Kurt Hummel**: *in an unconvincing monotone* Blaine, be nice.

**Blaine Anderson**: HA!

**David Hamilton: **Great, thanks. *pouts*

* * *

**Mercedes Jones** thinks this is quite possibly the worst week ever.

**Kurt Hummel**: :'(

**Brittany S. Pierce**: you know what u should do? pet a unicorn. it helps.

**Mercedes Jones**: Um. Thanks, Britt.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **:D

* * *

**N. Puck**: **Holly Holliday **is my hero.

(**Holly Holliday **and **10 others **like this.)

**Rachel Berry**: I must admit, today was actually sort of fun.

**Finn Hudson**: Rach, you did _amazing_. You looked so hot. ;)

**Artie Abrams: **Agreed, yo.

(**Mike Chang **and **2 others **like this.)

**Santana Lopez**: I actually almost forgot about how violently I dislike you for a few minutes. Good job, hobbit.

**Quinn Fabray**: Mean, much?

**Santana Lopez**: Whatever.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** to **Mercedes Jones**: Did you think about what I suggested earlier? ;)

**Mercedes Jones **to **Kurt Hummel**: A little.

**Kurt Hummel**: _Well_?

**Mercedes Jones**: I don't know...maybe?

**Kurt Hummel** has sent **Blaine Anderson** a message.

Subject: Dinner.

I'm really looking forward to it! :)

...except I think Mercedes might be feeling a little left out (Okay, so I know she is.) because I haven't been hanging out with her that much. Would you mind if I invited her to Breadstix tomorrow?

**Blaine Anderson** to **Kurt Hummel**:

Subject: re: Dinner.

Of course not! Go ahead...the more the merrier.

And I do not take "no." ;)

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**:

Subject: re: re: Dinner.

I caught that RENT reference, Mr. Anderson. Don't think I didn't. :)

**Kurt Hummel** to **Mercedes Jones**: Hey you. Check your phone...I just texted you.

**Mercedes Jones **finally gets to spend some time with her boy tomorrow! I don't even mind sharing him with **Blaine Anderson**...much.

(**Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel **and **2 others** like this.)

**Wes Craven**: Do not fear the abnormal amounts of product in Blaine's hair. We promise it won't come alive and eat you.

**David Hamilton: **Just don't make eye contact with it for extended periods of time. That provokes it.

**Blaine Anderson**: ^ Haters. :(

**Mercedes Jones**: Haha, thanks for the advice guys. :)

**Blaine Anderson **is excited to meet **Mercedes Jones **in person. :)

(**Mercedes Jones **and **Kurt Hummel **like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: Got that right, prep school.

**Kurt Hummel** is looking forward to din-din with **Mercedes Jones **and **Blaine Anderson **tonight! :D

(**Mercedes Jones **and **3 **others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: KINKY.

**Mercedes Jones**: Breadstix, right? I spaced and deleted the message, and I don't remember. See? I AM DYING. I NEED TOTS.

**Kurt Hummel**: Obvi. :)

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: Breadstix? _Nice. _:)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Bby, youre going to breadstix without me? :(

**Kurt Hummel**: I'll take you soon, boo. Promise. (hearts)

**Brittany S. Pierce: **...I dont see any...?

* * *

**Blaine Anderson** to **Kurt Hummel**: I still cannot believe how much we have in common!

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: I know! It's so amazing!

**David Hamilton: **I can believe it. It's all we ever hear about. Ever. EVER, Kurt.

**Blaine Anderson**: David, I hate you passionately.

**David Hamilton**: Please. You love me so much that it causes you pain.

**Wes Craven**: But don't worry...not as much as he loves you, Kurt! :-*

**Blaine Anderson**: What in the _hell_ is that?

**Wes Craven**: It's a kissy face, obviously. We're trying to hint at what you two should be doing right now.

**David Hamilton**: It astounds me that he hasn't come to murder us yet.

**Wes Craven**: I locked the door.

**Blaine Anderson**: That explains a lot...

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this.)

* * *

**Blaine Anderson **to **Mercedes Jones**: It was great to finally get to meet you the other day. Kurt's told me a lot about you. :)

**Kurt Hummel**: All good things, of course, Cedes.

**Mercedes Jones**: Duh, white boy. ;) Also, Blaine, I gotta tell you-you hurt my boy, I hurt you. Repeatedly.

(**Finn Hudson** and **15 others** like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: But it was good to meet you, too.

**Blaine Anderson**: Rest assured, I have no intention of hurting Kurt. Ever.

(**Wes Craven **and **15 others** like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: Good boy.

**Quinn Fabray**: Aww! :D Approved!

**Kurt Hummel**: Thanks, Mercedes. It was entirely unnecessary, but thank you. (hearts)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Kurtie, whos Blaine? Is he a dolphin too?

**Santana Lopez:** Yes, Kurtie, _is_ he (like I don't already know)? Because if he's not, I am _all over that. _;D

**Blaine Anderson**: Um. Dolphin = ?

**Kurt Hummel: **Gay. Also, yes, boo, Blaine is a dolphin too.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: YAY! Are you going to have pretty dolphin babies?

**Santana Lopez**: I can't decide whether to be disturbed or turned on by that visual...

**Puck**: disturbed. so disturbed.

(**Finn Hudson** likes this.)

**Finn Hudson**: Hey, wait, are you two like dating or something?

**Kurt Hummel**: Finn Hudson, I LIVE with you. Could you please refrain from asking me stupid questions on social networking sites when you can just ask me the same stupid questions in person? I AM RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

**Finn Hudson**: Geez, okay, touchy...

**Santana Lopez**: He's just pissy because he still hasn't gotten his hands in prep school's skintight jeans. ;)

**Kurt Hummel**: I hate you violently.

**Kurt Hummel**: Not you, Britt.

(**Brittany S. Pierce **likes this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** to **Blaine Anderson**: Sorry my friends suck so much.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: They're just protective, it's okay. :) They seem really sweet.

(**Sam Evans **and **10 others** like this.)

**Artie Abrams**: Word.

**N. Puck**: Damn right.

* * *

**Mercedes Jones**: Well, this sucks.

**Quinn Fabray**: You okay?

**Mercedes Jones**: Yeah, just...yeah.

**Quinn Fabray**: You sure? I'm here if you need to talk.

**Mercedes Jones**: Thanks, girl. Just another hard day is all.

**Quinn Fabray**: Of course. Any time. It's the least I can do after everything you did for me last year. :)

**Dave Karofsky **likes **Playboy, porn, sex with girls, hot girls **and **111 other pages.**

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: You okay? You haven't answered any of my texts...

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: Sorry. It was just a...hard day.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Want to talk about it?

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: No, I'm okay. Thanks, though.

**Kurt Hummel**: Can we maybe talk about something else?

**Blaine Anderson**: Of course! Whatever you want. :)

* * *

**Mike Chang**: So much fake raiiiin...

(**Tina Cohen-Chang **and **12 others** like this.)

**Sam Evans**: It was kinda cool though.

(**Mike Chang **and **12 others **like this.)

**Will Shuester**: I'm so glad you guys actually had the opportunity to experience one of my favorite songs with me!

**N. Puck**: It _was _actually a pretty alright song, Mr. Schue.

(**Finn Hudson **and **9 others **like this.)


	3. Furt

**Author's Note**: **Dear gracious, it's the chapter of line breaks. I apologize if that's excessively irritating, but for some reason, that's the way it went down. Facebook!"Furt" went a lot differently in my head than it turned out on paper (i.e. it was a hell of a lot funnier, since this was one of my favorite episodes of the season), but I hope you get at least a little enjoyment out of it. And if you are disappointed in it, please don't give up on this fic just yet-I'm working on Special Education already, and I'm _very _excited. There will be much Klainey interaction and Brittanyness. It'll be fun. And long. And maybe a little angsty sometimes. Guess you'll have to wait and see. :D**

**But anyway! Can't get there until _after _Furt. ;)**

**Kurt Hummel**: Oh my God...Dad and Carole are getting married! :D

(**Mercedes Jones **and **99 others** like this.)

**Blaine Anderson: **That's fantastic! Offer them my congratulations. :)

**Kurt Hummel**: Your invite should be coming in a few days. Maybe you'll be able to congratulate them yourself?

**Blaine Anderson**: I hope so!

* * *

**Finn Hudson**: Mom and Burt are engaged!

(**Rachel Berry **and **112 others **like this.)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel**: Is it true you're hiring New Directions as the wedding band?

**Kurt Hummel**: Absolutely. Dad and Carole were all for it.

(**Will Schuester **and **10 others **like this.)

**Will Schuester**: Do you have any song ideas?

**Kurt Hummel**: Dad mentioned a couple things, and I have plenty of ideas. We can discuss them at rehearsal. :)

**Will Schuester**: Looking forward to it!

* * *

**Sam Evans **to **Quinn Fabray**: Just think about what I said, okay? Please?

**Quinn Fabray**: I told you...I *am* thinking about it_. _You have to give me time, Sam.

(**Sam Evans **likes this.)

**Sam Evans**: I can do that. ;)

**N. Puck**: *gags*

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** guesses he's going shopping for a cake topper. :S

**Finn Hudson**: Dude, what? I thought you said you had the perfect one already.

**Kurt Hummel**: I thought I did.

**Finn Hudson**: So what happened?

**Kurt Hummel**: I don't. Obviously.

**Finn Hudson**: That really sucks.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **Cake?

**Kurt Hummel**: For the wedding, boo. I have to go get the thing to put on top of it.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Can I come? I like cake.

**Kurt Hummel**: Um. I'm leaving now, Britt, but if you want, I can come pick you up...?

**Brittany S. Pierce**: YAY CAKE!

* * *

**Will Shuester **to **Kurt Hummel**: You doing okay, Kurt?

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm okay. Thanks, Mr. Shue.

**Will Shuester**: Any time. You know that.

* * *

**Rachel Berry **can't just stand by and watch this anymore.

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: ?

**Rachel Berry**: I'll PM you.

**Rachel Berry **has sent **Tina Cohen-Chang, Quinn Fabray, **and **Brittany S. Pierce **a message.

Subject: Kurt

I'm extremely concerned that the bullying has reached new heights. I would like to suggest a meeting among the four of us before glee practice tomorrow to discuss what can be done to help him.

**Quinn Fabray **to **Rachel Berry****:**

Subject: Re: Kurt

I'll be there.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **to **Rachel Berry**:

Subject: Re: Kurt

Me too. I totally agree, Rachel.

**Brittany S. Pierce **to **Rachel Berry**:

Subject: Re: Kurt

Me 7! what are we talking about?

* * *

**Rachel Berry **cannot believe this.

(via facebook mobile)

**Finn Hudson** (via facebook mobile): Look, Rachel, I'm _sorry_, okay? I would help if I could, but I just can't.

**Rachel Berry **(via facebook mobile): I don't want to talk to you right now, Finn.

* * *

**N. Puck **is so pissed he didn't get to kick Karofsky's sorry ass.

(**Finn Hudson **likes this.)

**Finn Hudson**: Me too dude.

**Santana Lopez**: Yeah right, Frankenteen. Where the hell were you, anyway?

**Mercedes Jones**: *Seriously*, Finn.

**Finn Hudson**: I told you, I was still on the field!

**Mercedes Jones**: That's a bullcrap excuse and you know it.

**Mike Chang**: Puck, we don't need you back in juvie. We know you were kicking the hell out of him in spirit. :)

(**N. Puck **likes this.)

**Artie Abrams**: Fer real. That was insane, yo.

**Sam Evans**: Hope he at least got the message.

**N. Puck**: He better have. Otherwise I'll deal with him myself, juvie or no.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: it was really sexy.

(**Santana Lopez **and **Quinn Fabray **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: You guys, seriously. Please don't feel like you have to do this. I appreciate it, I really do. But it's completely unnecessary.

**Rachel Berry**: No it isn't. We're your _friends_, Kurt. We're _supposed_ to defend you!

**Kurt Hummel**: ...Well, thank you, I suppose. But _be careful _for GaGa's sake.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** Just add choreographer to my long list of talents. ;)

(via facebook mobile)

**Finn Hudson** to **Kurt Hummel**: Holy shit, bro! Why didn't you tell me it was so bad? I would have done something!

**Kurt Hummel**: Why the hell are you _facebooking _me about this?

**Finn Hudson**: Because obviously you won't actually talk with me about it so this was the best I could do.

**Mercedes Jones**: You should have done something anyway. It was bad enough before.

**Mercedes Jones**: Wait, what else happened?

**Kurt Hummel**: It's...I'll text you. It's a really long story, but I don't think it should be a problem anymore.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel** (via facebook mobile): I'm so sorry I missed your call. I was in class. Can I call you now?

**Kurt Hummel**: Give me five minutes.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Courage. I'm here for you.

* * *

**Finn Hudson** has sent **Will Shuester, Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce, Tina Cohen-Chang, N. Puck, Sam Evans, Artie Abrams, **and **Mike Chang **a message.

Subject: Kurt.

I think we should do something special for him. Like dedicate a song to him or something at the wedding. Cause everything's been really messed up lately and I think he's been really upset. So that way the wedding can be a place for him to relax.

**Will Shuester **to **Finn Hudson**:

Subject: Re: Kurt.

That's a wonderful idea, Finn!

**Mercedes Jones **to **Finn Hudson**:

Subject: Re: Kurt.

YES. ABSOLUTELY. There may be hope for you yet, Finn.

**Rachel Berry **to **Finn Hudson**:

Subject: Re: Kurt.

When should we meet to discuss the song?

**Finn Hudson**: I already kinda have an idea but I need help with the dancing. Can everybody come over tonight? I think Kurt's out somewhere.

**Mike Chang** to **Finn Hudson:**

Subject: Re: Kurt.

Don't worry about the choreography. Britt and Santana and I've got it. :)

**Santana Lopez **to **Finn Hudson**:

Subject: Re: Kurt.

You know it, boy. ;)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** likes how nobody told him there was a **New Directions **party at Chez Hudmel tonight until *after* he got in from shopping! :(

**Artie Abrams**: Our bad, dude. We thought you were gonna be home.

**Finn Hudson**: ...I wanted to surprise you?

**Quinn Fabray**: Sorry Kurt. :(

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: :( We lurve you!

(**Mercedes Jones **and **10 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Dammit, you guys are so cute that I can't even stay mad...

(**Tina Cohen-Chang **and **10 others **like this.)

* * *

**Finn Hudson** IT'S A GLEE WEDDING!

(**Rachel Berry **and **100 others **like this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: Congratulations to the newly-formed Hudmel family! :D Most amazing wedding ever? I think yes!

(**Finn Hudson **and **133 others** like this)

**Finn Hudson**: I meant what I said before, bro. I got your back.

**Puck**: We all do. I'll kick somebody's ass if I have to.

(**Sam Evans**, **Artie Abrams **and **12 others** like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: DO NOT. None of you need to worry about me. I'm fine. Puck, we need you in glee, not juvie. But...I really do appreciate it.

**Mercedes Jones**: We love you, Kurt! (hearts)

**Quinn Fabray**: Absolutely. Congratulations...Furt! :D

(**Finn Hudson **and **49 others** like this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: I'm sorry I missed it. :( I'd have loved to be there.

**Kurt Hummel**: No worries. :) I did miss you though.

(**Blaine Anderson **likes this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: I miss you too.

**Santana Lopez**: ;D

**Wes Craven**: Oh God, here we go...

(**David Hamilton **likes this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Off with you, fiends! OFF MY STATUS!

(**Blaine Anderson **likes this.)

* * *

**Brittany S. Pierce **funnest wedding ever I didnt even fall asleep

(**Finn Hudson **and **34 others **like this.)

**Quinn Fabray**: It was amazing. Well done **Kurt Hummel**...you really outdid yourself. :D

**(Kurt Hummel **and **27 others **like this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** thinks **Finn Hudson** is the best stepbrother ever. :')

(**Finn Hudson **and **35 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel: **I love my New Directions family. Thank you *so much.*

**Mercedes Jones**: It was the least we could do to show you how much we love you, Kurt.

(**Tina Cohen-Chang **and **10 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: (ridiculous amounts of hearts)

**Finn Hudson**: Meant every word. :) I'm sorry I've been such a crappy friend.

**Kurt Hummel**: You _haven't been_. I told you all a million times (there is virtual proof of this), the last thing I want is for you all to feel like you have to protect me constantly.

**N. Puck**: we want you to feel safe, dude.

(**Sam Evans **and **15 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: I can't even find the words that express how much that means to me. *glomps everyone* See you all on Monday! :D

* * *

**Sam Evans **and **Quinn Fabray **are now in a relationship.

(**Sam Evans **and **159 others **like this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: oh God.

**Mercedes Jones**: ? :(

**Blaine Anderson**: Are you okay?

**Finn Hudson**: What's wrong Kurt?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** is so, so sorry. :'(

**Mercedes Jones**: We understand. Just remember, I'm here for you, whatever happens.

And I'm really going to miss you. :(

**Finn Hudson**: Kurt, you don't have to do this. We told you, we'll protect you.

**N. Puck**: Seriously. We can take half the damn football team if we have to.

**Artie Abrams**: We can take the whole school, yo.

**Rachel Berry**: I'm really sorry for what I said about sectionals, Kurt. That was insensitive of me. What I meant was, New Directions won't be the same without your beautiful voice. We'll really miss you.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **Plz dont go bby. :( I'll miss you. :( :(

**Santana Lopez**: What douche bag did this? I'll kill 'im. Nobody gets to make you feel bad except us.

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: I miss you already, Kurt. :(

**Mike Chang**: We're sorry. We didn't know it was so bad for you here. :(

**Quinn Fabray**: Please be careful, Kurt. And keep in touch-we'll miss you. Everything will be okay.

**Sam Evans**: Dude, I know I haven't known you that long, but...I'll miss you. Be safe, okay? Dalton will be good for that. But if anything bad happens over there, let us know. We always got your back.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: ...what is going on?

**Kurt Hummel** to **Blaine Anderson**: :S Wait a second.

**Kurt Hummel **has changed his school to **Dalton Academy**.

(**Wes Craven **and **David Hamilton** like this.)

**David Hamilton**: How is it possible that we liked this before Blaine?

**Blaine Anderson**: Kurt, I'm calling you.

**Author's Note**: **Let me know what you thought!**

**Oh, and I'm just gonna pimp myself out right quick-I wrote a Klaine oneshot about their lunch after "Never Been Kissed." If you feel so inclined, check it out. You're all wonderful. :)**


	4. Special Education Part Uno

**Author's Note: So I split Special Education in half, because otherwise it was kind of monstrously long, compared to the other chapters. And I kind of figured you guys would prefer consistency to, "oh, look, 2,000 word chapters...WHOA HOLY CRAP THAT'S A LOT LONGER." Also because there's so much _space _to fill. There are a lot of places where people's thoughts or motivations are just _uncertain_. And I wanted to interpret them at my leisure (which is why a lot of this never actually happened in the show). But just give it a chance? :)**

**PS, the support I've gotten for this _and _"No Regrets" has been beyond amazing. I so, so appreciate it! (Also, updates of both may come a bit less frequently, due to my being back at school. But I promise you, I will do my absolute best. Since you guys are so awesome. (hearts))**

**N. Puck **has sent **Kurt Hummel** a message.

(No subject)

sorry for throwing you in the dumpster and all that stuff before dude.

**Kurt Hummel **has sent **N. Puck **a message.

Subject: :)

Don't worry about it. I forgave you for all that a long time ago.

**N. Puck **has sent **Kurt Hummel **a message.

Subject: Re: :)

Cool. Just checkin.

**Kurt Hummel **has sent **N. Puck **a message.

Subject: Re: re: :)

Me leaving Dalton has nothing to do with you, so don't think that. Because I know you do, otherwise you never would have sent me that message. Even if your badassery won't let you admit it. (I won't tell anybody.) :)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** is packing, and doesn't recall ever being this nervous in his life. EVER.

**Mercedes Jones**: Nah, you don't have anything to worry about. You're gonna rock it. Even if I am gonna miss you like no other. :)

**Blaine Anderson**: This time don't forget your jacket, new kid. You'll fit right in. ;)

(**Kurt Hummel **and **2 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: :D

**David Hamilton**: I AM SO EXCITED OH MY GOD. Kurt. You don't even UNDERSTAND.

**Wes Craven**: He got into my gummies, in case you couldn't tell, Kurt. :S I AM NOT PLEASED WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, DAVID.

**Wes Craven**: Although. Yes. You + Dalton = excessive amounts of joy.

**David Hamilton**: Seriously, though, you are going to love it here. Wes and I will teach you everything you'll ever need to know.

**Wes Craven**: Well. Not _everything. _That's what Blaine's for. ;D ;D ;D

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

**Santana Lopez**: Send pictures!

**Kurt Hummel**: SANTANA. SHUT UP. *headdesk*

**Kurt Hummel**: But thanks, Wes. David. I'm kinda sorta excited, too. When I don't feel like I'm going to throw up.

**Blaine Anderson: **You're going to be fine. It's an adjustment, but you'll get used to it. Promise.

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm not sure if that was helpful...

**Blaine Anderson: **Sorry. :S It was meant to be.

**David Hamilton**: Think of it this way-you already know three of us! So it's not like you have to start over completely. And Blaine says your voice is godlike, so you have a pretty good shot at getting into the Warblers.

AKA ROCKSTARDOM, BETCHES! :D

**Wes Craven**: Aaaactually..."godlike" was not what Blaine said. There was so much more fawning than that...OH GOD, HE'S COMING AT ME WITH THE SCISSORS.

BLAINE, NOOOOOOOOOO!ADXCZM,ZJFLA

**Kurt Hummel**: Did you just say...betches?

**David Hamilton**: Yeps! :)

**Kurt Hummel**: Blaine, you are so right about their questionable sexuality.

(**Blaine Anderson** likes this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: And to think you didn't believe me. *shakes head sadly* I'm hurt, Kurt.

**Kurt Hummel**: Sorry. :( I have now seen the error of my ways.

(**Blaine Anderson** likes this.)

**David Hamilton**: heeheehee, you rhymed... :D

**Santana Lopez**: I have a few ideas about how he could make it up to you, prep school. ;)

(**Wes Craven **and **David Hamilton **like this.)

**Wes Craven**: I like you, Lopez. You can say the things we're thinking, and Blaine can't do anything about it.

(**Santana Lopez **and **David Hamilton **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: All of you need to go away. I keep getting distracted from packing by the incessant notifications. xoxo

**David Hamilton**: Waiiiiiiit!

**Kurt Hummel: **...what do you want?

**David Hamilton**: You _are _boarding yes? Because it's so not the same if you aren't.

**Kurt Hummel**: Of course I am. I'm packing, David. _Packing _implies bringing stuff from one place to another, with the intention of living at the other place for an as-yet-unknown period of time. Besides, I'm not going to travel three hours round trip _every day_ just to get to and from school.

**Wes Craven**: THANK THE GOOD SWEET BABY JESUS. Okay, now go pack. :)

(**David Hamilton **and **Blaine Anderson** like this.)

* * *

**Mercedes Jones** to **Kurt Hummel**: Good luck with your first day, white boy! You better call me later. (hearts)

(**Quinn Fabray **and **4 others **like this.)

**Brittany S. Pierce **to **Kurt Hummel**: I miss you already bby. :(

(**Artie Abrams **and **10 others **like this.)

**Mike Chang**: Make sure you keep your phone on you. Just in case you need us or something.

**Quinn Fabray**: True. The distance from McKinley to Dalton is so short when Santana or Puck are driving.

**N. Puck**: Hell yeah it is.

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Thanks, all. :) (hearts)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel **(via facebook mobile): So when's your Warblers audition?

**Kurt Hummel **to **Rachel Berry **(via facebook mobile): It would be today, and at first it wasn't even a question if I was going to audition, but now...I don't know if I'm going to go through with it. It feels like I'm betraying you all.

**N. Puck** (via facebook mobile): Dude, what the hell? Screw that! You can't just not sing.

**Finn Hudson** (via facebook mobile): Seriously, Kurt. You'd be betraying us if you didn't even try.

**Rachel Berry** (via facebook mobile)**: **They're right. Kurt, you _have _to audition. You can't let a voice like yours go to waste, even if you can't use it with us.

**Rachel Berry** (via facebook mobile): _Please _don't let what I said make you feel bad. :(

**Rachel Berry** (via facebook mobile): I'm going to keep spamming you with comments until you agree to audition...

**Kurt Hummel** (via facebook mobile): Okay, okay...I'll do it. Thanks, you guys.

(**Sam Evans **and **14 others** like this.)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **hasn't felt pain like this...ever. I just...can't deal.

**Finn Hudson**: Rach, I am so, so sorry. But it was a mistake, and I really regret it now.

**Rachel Berry**: I don't particularly want to talk to you, Finn. You _betrayed _me.

**Finn Hudson**: WE WEREN'T TOGETHER.

**Rachel Berry: **Don't yell at me!

**Finn Hudson**: I'm not yelling!

**Rachel Berry**: You're using capslock, and on the internet, that is the equivalent of yelling. Now get off my status.

**Finn Hudson**: You're being ridiculous!

**Rachel Berry**: Oh, I'M being ridiculous? I'M not the one who BETRAYED YOU.

**Finn Hudson**: Would you just listen? We WEREN'T TOGETHER.

**Rachel Berry**: GET OFF MY STATUS.

**Finn Hudson**: FINE.

**Rachel Berry**: FINE.

* * *

**Mike Chang **holy shit, what just happened?

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: o.O Why do bad things always happen right before sectionals?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **is now friends with **Paul Williams **and **124 others.**

**Paul Williams **to **Kurt Hummel**: Hey, roomie! :)

**Kurt Hummel**: Hey! :D

**Paul Williams**: ...kay, I'm going to go talk to you like a normal person now. Haha.

**Kurt Hummel**: Good plan. :)

**Kurt Hummel** is on his way to his first Warblers practice! :D

(**Rachel Berry, Blaine Anderson **and **27 others **like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: Deets, white boy! Did you have fun at practice? Were people nice to you? ;)

**Kurt Hummel **has sent **Mercedes Jones **a message.

**Subject**: Warblers

Cedes, they gave me a bird. A _fucking bird_. Literally. They've had this same exact line (of _fucking birds) _since 1891, and if I somehow fail to keep it alive, then it's like I'm killing my _voice_. They actually said that, basically. o.O And then I tried to make this joke about coal mines and cat shelters to try to kill the awkward, but it was a total fail. And...oh. My. God. It was...I mean...dkcesiLKSJxcnmmPAINFUL.

I mean, they're nice, but they're so...structured. And impersonal. ...I don't know if I can do this. My brain's all twisted because I already had classes (which were totally fine, but they're pretty advanced. So I have to catch up, so I'm already exhausted, which is why this message is so all over the place. Why do I keep saying _so_?) Oh, screw it. I can't send this or you'll come kill someone...

[DELETE]

**Kurt Hummel **to **Mercedes Jones: **It was great. :) Everybody's so nice. I mean, true, it's a very different style, but...it will be fun to get to try new things, y'know?

**Mercedes Jones**: That's great! I'm really happy for you. :)

* * *

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Wes Craven** and **David Hamilton **a message.

**Subject**: ...really?

I thought you guys were "SO EXCITED" to have Kurt here...?

**Wes Craven: **We are! We haven't had a countertenor this good since ever.

**Blaine Anderson**: So you _didn't_ notice that he felt incredibly uncomfortable? McKinley's completely different than we are. All I'm saying is, we could have done a little more to make him feel welcome.

**David Hamilton**: I get that. I really do. And I felt bad about it...we both did.

**Wes Craven**: Right, totally. But at the same time, sectionals are in a couple of days, so we're all a little...on edge.

**Blaine Anderson**: Translation: you've taken to sleeping with your gavel and muttering to yourself everywhere you go.

**David Hamilton**: Okay. We shouldn't be doing this right now, because I haven't slept at all in two days, Wes just curled up in the fetal position in the corner with his gavel and a history book, and you probably haven't eaten all day. Which is making you like _super _pissy. (You might want to tell Kurt about that little tendency so that the next time you get stressed out and start biting people's heads off because your blood sugar's low, he doesn't think you hate him or something.)

**Blaine Anderson**: ...right. Sorry.

**David Hamilton** So. What's going to happen is, you're going to go get Kurt for dinner, I'm going to drink ridiculous amounts of caffeine and help Wes get this reading done, and then we'll meet you there and apologize to Kurt. Cool?

**Blaine Anderson**: Cool. Sorry. Again.

**David Hamilton**: Oh, please. Like we ever actually need to apologize to each other. Just people that don't know us that well.

**David Hamilton**: Right. Also, Wes said to tell you "izcool." I think. He's back to muttering incoherently about set lists.

* * *

**Mercedes Jones **has sent a message to the **McKinley High New Directions.**

**Subject**: :S

Does anybody believe a word Kurt said to me about Warblers rehearsal? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it seemed more like he was trying harder to convince himself that he liked it than me...

**Santana Lopez**: Look, we have our own problems. Kurt's fine. If he needs something, he'll ask for it.

**Finn Hudson: **I told him to come to me if he was having any problems.

**Mercedes Jones**: Finn, it's _Kurt_. His life got threatened and he didn't even come to any of us about it. All I'm saying is, I think we should keep our eye on him.

**Sam Evans**: I see what youre saying, but I remember when I got to Dalton...it was a really rough transition. Kurt seems to be a strong kid. I think he'll be okay. But it's his first day, so of course he's having a tough time.

**Mercedes Jones**: ...okay...were you a Warbler, Sam?

**Sam Evans**: Yeah, I was. It's like completely different from New Directions. Kurt's probably a little bit shocked right now. We'll see how he's doing at sectionals right?

**Mercedes Jones**: I guess that's a good point.

**Quinn Fabray**: I think we should just make sure we keep in contact with him so he knows he's not alone. He'll be okay.

**Rachel Berry**: I think I have an idea. I'll talk to you all about it in glee tomorrow.

* * *

**Brittany S. Pierce **has the bestest boyfriend ever.

(**Artie Abrams **likes this.)

**Artie Abrams**: My girlfriend's better. ;)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: ...i dont get it...

**Artie Abrams**: I mean you, Britt. You're the bestestest. :D

(**Brittany S. Pierce **likes this.)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: :D :D :D loveyou

**Artie Abrams**: Love you too. :)

**Author's Note2**: **Just wanted to end it with some happy, magic-comby goodness. :D**


	5. Special Education Part Deux

**Rachel Berry** is so _angry _right now!

**Quinn Fabray**: You know what, Rachel, _wow_. Could you maybe _try _to be part of a team for once? It is not all about you all the time.

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

* * *

**N. Puck **had a total epiphany (that's the word, right?).

(**Rachel Berry **likes this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** more nerves. Seriously, it's getting a little old. (But, okay, I'm excited too. :))

**Artie Abrams**: You're gonna rock it, Kurt. Whatever it is.

(**Tina Cohen-Chang **and **44 others** like this.)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: how come your nervous bby? :(

**Kurt Hummel**: I have something important to do tomorrow.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: ?

**Kurt Hummel**: It's for my new glee club.

**Paul Williams**: No stress, dude. You're going to be AWESOME. Cause you're kinda beast. :)

(**Rachel Berry **and **67 others **like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: Please, white boy. You're GaGa-level fabulous. You know you got this. And I don't even know what it is! :)

(**Kurt Hummel **and **53 others **like this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: I'll practice with you if you want. But I wouldn't worry about it...you're fantastic.

**Wes Craven: **BLAINE, QUICK, YOUR GAY IS SHOWING!

(**David Hamilton** likes this.)

**Blaine Anderson**: You are terrible, terrible people. And I hate you.

**David Hamilton**: Oh, and Kurt, for the record, he doesn't mean practice. He means "practice." Very different things.

(**Santana Lopez **and **12 others **like this.)

**David Hamilton**: OW, BLAINE. THIS IS ABUSE.

**Rachel Berry**: In all seriousness, Kurt, don't be nervous. We of New Directions all know you can do it. :) You'll be amazing.

**Kurt Hummel**: Rachel Berry, you keep doing things that make me want to actually like you. I could get used to this. :)

(**Finn Hudson** and **10 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Oh, and thanks, Blaine...but I think I want it to be a surprise. ;)

(**Blaine Anderson **likes this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: Don't cry for me, Argentina...

(**Rachel Berry **and **33 others **like this.)

**Rachel Berry**: How did it go, Kurt?

**Daniel Halstrom: **Boy has a _voice_.

**Mercedes Jones**: Damn _right _he does...y'all prep school boys better appreciate it, too.

(**N. Puck **and **51 others **like this.)

**Wes Craven**: You really did do a wonderful job, Kurt.

**Kurt Hummel **to **Rachel Berry**: I don't really want to talk about it. I'll call you later?

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel**: I'm free any time after glee club. :)

**Kurt Hummel **to **Rachel Berry**: Rachel...thanks. For everything.

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel**: Of course. I don't mind at all. Even though you _are _our competition. ;)

* * *

**Brittany S. Pierce** is confused...

**Kurt Hummel**: What's up?

**Brittany S. Pierce**: how come your so sad?

**Kurt Hummel**: It's nothing. It was just kind of a hard day.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: Do you need a hug?

**Kurt Hummel**: :) A hug would be kind of nice, boo. But you're really far away.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: oh yeah. hold on i have to go talk to rachel.

**Kurt Hummel** loves **New Directions **with all his heart and soul. I cannot believe you guys! :')

**Rachel Berry**: You know what they say-when you can't find the words to say, sing instead! :)

(**Finn Hudson** and **10 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel: **I am mentally glomping you all right now. Just so you know. Also crying. Again. (I'm hiding it like a _master, _though. I'd rather my roommate not think I am a complete psycho.)

(**Mercedes Jones **and **10 others **like this.)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: why are you still sad?

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm not exactly sad. I'm happy because you guys called and sang for me...and I miss you.

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: We miss you like crazy, Kurt. But we're happy as long as you feel safe. :)

**Kurt Hummel**: Thanks, T. :)

* * *

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: You're upset with me.

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: Am I? I'm so glad you're able to tell me how I'm supposed to feel.

**Mercedes Jones **to **Kurt Hummel**: Baby, I don't know what's going on, but I will cut a bitch if I have to. Just so you know.

(**Kurt Hummel** and **11 others** like this.)

**N. Puck**: We can totally get there in less than an hour. Lopez and I'll drive.

(**Santana Lopez **and **11 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: Thanks, everyone, but...it's okay.

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Come on, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I know that I didn't exactly tell you what you wanted to hear after that audition, but you can't just stop talking to me over it, right?

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson: **...'scuse me?

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Everything's coming out wrong. :( I'm trying to...I'm just...really sorry.

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: Not that I'm not going to accept your apology, but I'm just curious: why, exactly, are we having this discussion on a public forum?

**Blaine Anderson **to **Kurt Hummel**: Not the smartest thing I ever did, I know. :S But in my defense, I tried to text you.

**Blaine Anderson**: And I would have talked to you between classes, but you weren't around all day. And were never in your room when I came by. So I didn't know what else to do.

**Santana Lopez**: Stalker?

*comment deleted by Kurt*

* * *

**David Hamilton** is trying desperately to avoid making inappropriate comments on the very serious-looking Kurt CoBlaine convo that's been going down for the past hour or so.

**Wes Craven**: This is decidedly more difficult when the Blaine half is being a *complete dolt*.

**Santana Lopez**: Kurt CoBlaine? I think I like your style. ;)

(**David Hamilton **likes this.)

**Santana Lopez**: Also, have they made out yet?

**Wes Craven**: *Where* is the "oh God, please" button?

**Wes Craven**: ...that came out a lot more homo-erotically than I intended.

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

**David Hamilton**: Unfortunately not. Perhaps Kurt's anger will spur an angry!makeout, and then they'll put us all out of our misery?

**Finn Hudson**: This is a little awkward for me to read...

**Wes Craven**: Sorry, Finn. But...we can't help it. It's painful. So, so painful.

**Paul Williams**: There is SO MUCH unresolved sexual tension. Which leads to SO MUCH pining and wistful sighing and singing of Katy Perry songs that Kurt doesn't even really LIKE.

**David Hamilton**: (That's Kurt's roomie.)

**Paul Williams**: Yep. Hi. Nice to meet you. But just so you know, don't feel awkward. It is an unfortunate fact-I'm dying. We are all DYING waiting for them to figure this out...

**Finn Hudson**: O.o

**Wes Craven**: Overkill, Paul. Way to be.

**Paul Williams: **...sorry.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **to **Blaine Anderson**: Oh. My phone's dead.

**Blaine Anderson: **It's okay. Meet me in the senior commons? I'll make it up to you.

**Blaine Anderson**: I have hot chocolate...

**Brittany S. Pierce**: I like chocolate. you should go bby. :)

**Kurt Hummel**: Give me half an hour and you've got yourself a deal, Anderson.

(**Blaine Anderson **and **Brittany S. Pierce **like this.)

* * *

**Wes Craven **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message.

**Subject: **.ahes;dlk

David and I are wondering...have you ever gotten around to telling Kurt about your anorexia? Because that could explain SO MUCH about this moment. I mean, not that your nasty habit of over-thinking everything didn't screw this up, too. I'm just saying.

**Blaine Hamilton **has sent **Wes Craven **a message.

**Subject: **;dlk

...I told him about that pretty much when we first met.

And I'm not anorexic.

**Wes Craven **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message**: **

Riiiight.

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Wes Craven** a message:

Could you maybe leave me alone?

**Wes Craven **has sent **Blaine Anderson** a message:

Oh for Christ's sake. Stop taking your angst out on us, eat some damn chocolate or something, and fix it.

* * *

**Quinn Fabray **has sent **Sam Evans **a message.

**Subject**: Blaine.

I think that if any of us are actually going to go through with this and talk to Blaine about Kurt, it should be you. Because something's been up with him lately-we all agree. But if any of the rest of us try to say anything, there's no guarantee he'll listen. I mean, it's not as though he knows us or something.

Could you? Please?

**Sam Evans **has sent **Quinn Fabray **a message:

**Subject: **Re: Blaine.

Done. :)

**Sam Evans **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message.

Subject: Wevid. And Kurt.

Hey. So I know I'm totally being nosy right now, but we (ND) are kind of worried. About Kurt. I remember how hard it was for you when you first got to Dalton, and I (we) think he's probably having a harder time then he'll ever tell us. You know how stubborn he is.

And um. We'd just really appreciate it if you'd keep an eye on him for us. (I kinda figured you would, cause of how much time you were spending with him before, but...just making sure.)

Oh, and Finn says if you're not into Kurt, make sure Wes and David know that so they stop with the comments. Because we think maybe even though Kurt keeps blowing them off and stuff, he might be getting his hopes up. Cause all the girls keep saying they think he might like you, but I wasn't supposed to tell you that part. So yeah.

Talk to you soon, I hope. :)

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Sam Evans **a message.

Subject: Re: Wevid. And Kurt.

I promise, I'm doing the best I can. At the same time, I don't want to push him into anything he's not comfortable with, and I feel bad because I can't help thinking I'm not doing enough to help him. Kurt seems to be doing okay with the workload-he's busy, but he's not drowning in it or anything-and he at least talks to people. But the problem is...New Directions is run so differently from the Warblers, and Kurt is so close with all of you. I think glee at McKinley was kind of like a haven for him, and now Warbler practice isn't like that, and it's hard for him. Which sucks, because it's the only thing I can't really do much about.

I convinced Wes to let him audition for a solo, but I think I only ended up making things worse...

I'm hoping that it will get better in time. I'll do everything in my power to help him feel more at home here.

Hope you're doing well.

**Sam Evans **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message.

Subject: Re: re: Wevid. And Kurt.

Is that what that whole thing was about? Mercedes was about to take an axe to you, man. What actually happened? Kurt didn't go into much detail with any of us about it. Or at least, not that anybody mentioned.

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Sam Evans **a message.

Subject: Re: re: re: Wevid. And Kurt.

You remember how it's completely unheard of for a person to get a solo on their first try here. But I've heard Kurt sing-he's completely amazing, and I thought if anybody might be able to break that tradition, he'd be the one. Plus, I hoped it would make him feel more...like he had a place here.

And he didn't disappoint, but we couldn't give it to him. He picked a show tune, and he sang with a background track...and even though Wes and David really like him, and everyone loved his voice, the Warblers are an a cappella group. The song just didn't show everyone else that he'd be able to carry a whole number with nothing behind him. *I* knew he could, of course, but there was only so much I could say. So he didn't get a callback, and then I did a completely terrible job at consoling him afterwards.

I talked to him about it, and I think we finally got that whole mess sorted out, but I still feel like it's my fault.

**Sam Evans **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message.

Subject: Don't.

Don't feel bad. Did you tell him what you just said? Because I think it would probably make him feel a lot better.

Mercedes called him from glee practice today. He sounds like he's hanging in there. Definitely sounds better than he did a couple of days ago.

...she and Quinn say so, anyway. I couldn't tell much of a difference but maybe that's just cause I don't know him as well?

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Sam Evans **a message.

Subject: Thanks. :)

I did. Tell him, I mean.

Thank you for talking to me about all this. Give your glee club a collective hug for me?

Oh, but could you make sure they don't tell him I talked to you about this? I think it would probably upset him.

**Sam Evans **has sent **Blaine Anderson **a message.

Subject: No problem dude. :)

Done. You're probably right.

Brittany asked me to ask you if Kurt got his penguin yet. I'm not really sure what that means, but it seemed important to her. I think she forgot she can ask him herself.

**Blaine Anderson **has sent **Sam Evans **a message.

Subject: Re: No problem dude. :)

Will do. :)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **to **Brittany S. Pierce**: Thank you so much, boo! He's the cutest stuffed animal ever. :) :) :)

**Brittany S. Pierce**: his name is cuddles. hes your good luck charm for sectionals :D

**Kurt Hummel**: Well I love him.

**Brittany S. Pierce**: yayyy! you should hug him every time you miss us.

**Kurt Hummel**: Britt, I'd be carrying him around all the time. :)

(**Mercedes Jones **and **10 others **like this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: We miss you all the time, too.

**Will Shuester**: How are you holding up, Kurt?

**Kurt Hummel**: It really is an adjustment, but...I like it here. I mean, I'm still getting settled in, but everybody's been fantastic to me so far. :)

* * *

**Brittany S. Pierce** :((

**Santana Lopez: **Whose ass do I have to kick?

* * *

**Artie Abrams **guesses he should have known...

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: :( Text me?

**Artie Abrams**: Maybe later...I don't really want to talk about it.

* * *

**Mike Chang** has no idea what the hell is going on. **Tina Cohen-Chang, **are we okay?

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: I really don't want to talk about this, Mike. Especially not on here, of all places.

**Mike Chang: **Except you're pissed at me and you won't tell me why. How is that fair?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** to **Mercedes Jones**: Is everybody okay? I'm seeing weird, depressing statuses on my news feed, and it's concerning...

**Mercedes Jones **to **Kurt Hummel**: I don't even know, white boy. Everything's crazy, and sectionals are tomorrow. :S

**Kurt Hummel **to **Mercedes Jones**: Are you going to call me?

**Mercedes Jones** to **Kurt Hummel**: I'm really sorry. I would, but I can't right now. I'll fill you in after tomorrow?

**Kurt Hummel **to **Mercedes Jones**: Alright. :-/ Give everybody huge hugs for me, though. Even Puck. And tell them (I know you all can see this) that you guys are going to be incredible tomorrow. So you're not allowed to go easy on us just because there's some big drama going down. ;)

(**Sam Evans **and **10 others **like this.)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **to **Rachel Berry**: Sorry I never called you. Things got crazy. I'll just see you tomorrow?

**Rachel Berry**: Sure.

* * *

**Rachel Berry **is so not in the mood for this.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** oh my God, sectionals. o.O

(**Jim Kale **and **34 others **like this.)

**Mike Smith**: Don't be nervous, new kid. You picked up everything at like warp speed. :)

**Wes Craven**: ...I thought only Blaine was allowed to call him new kid? Y'know. Kinda like their "what are you talking about _unresolved sexual tension_? HA. HA. NO. See? I'm Blaine and I'm being mentor-y. Right? Cause, geddit? New _kid_?"

**Mike Smith**: I just like getting him worked up. It's so simple...

(**David Hamilton **and **22 others **like this.)

**Blaine** **Anderson**: Mike, I'm going to pretend that was brought on by peer pressure *coughWESANDDAVIDcough* and not threaten you with bodily harm. :) Can we focus now? On sectionals? Which are in a few hours?

**Jim Kale**: Boy has a point.

**Kurt Hummel**: I find myself astonished that no one from New Directions has started trash-talking on this status yet...(what the hell happened to Puck and Santana, if no one else?)

**Artie Abrams**: (insert awesome trash-talking here)

(**Mike Chang **and **11 others **like this.)

* * *

**Mercedes Jones** HELL YEAH we tied at sectionals! :D :D :D

(**Artie Abrams **and **15 others **like this.)

**Kurt Hummel**: oh my GaGa, you guys were _unbelievable! _And it was so great to see you! Quinn, Sam, and Santana, you guys were fantastic. And Brittany and Mike..._damn_ you two have moves. As though I didn't already know that. :D

(**Brittany S. Pierce** and **15 others **like this.)

* * *

**Finn Hudson **is now single.

(**Santana Lopez **likes this.)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **is now single.

**Kurt Hummel**: What the hell is going on?

**Rachel Berry**: Is it okay if I call you? I don't want to be a bother if you're busy, but...

**Kurt Hummel**: Of course you can.

**Rachel Berry: **Thanks.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well hellooooo, there, abrupt ending! I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I know this took an exorbitant amount of time (and there's really no excuse, because the majority of it has been written and chillin' on my laptop for like weeks. In my defense, though, I've been desperately trying to bang out the rest of a chapter 2 for my other Klaine story, "No Regrets," and Blaine was giving me hell, so. You know, I was kinda like, "I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY YOU, OH BEING OF PERFECTION!**

**I played around, I know. There are things that I screwed with a bit, but hey. There's so much empty space to work with in this episode, I figured it'd work out. And I know it's weird that Kurt goes to Rachel instead of Finn to find out what's happening, but I'm working under the assumption that...well, he'll talk to Finn next chapter, and you'll see why he didn't do it right away. :)**

**Sorry. This is rambly. REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE!**


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